BY ADRIAN WARNOCK

I always believed that the moment you even thought about divorce in a marriage you had failed.

Somehow, many think, opening up the possibility of splitting will inevitably lead to the unmentionable happening.  In many churches today divorce is still taboo, it is unthinkable.  If it happens in your marriage the stigma and shame can be unbearable.  Some even react as though divorce might be contagious, perhaps by unlocking the idea that if one couple can get divorced then maybe we all will.

Of course a major reason for the stigma of divorce is that we do not talk about it.  When was the last time you heard a testimony or a sermon illustration that involved the speaker’s divorce?  Stigma breeds silence which breeds more stigma.  Much easier to just not talk about it, and perhaps turn up at another church and never tell anyone about what happened previously.

Part of the reason for the deafening silence about divorce is that it really isn’t fair to an ex-partner to publicly share the private story of your divorce.  No matter how one sided the reasons for the divorce might seem to you, your ex partner will no doubt have a different view.  And so to share how the divorce made you feel with the world risks putting only one side of the story out there and painting your ex-partner in an unfair light.  And so most people do not do that and therefore the divorce stays hidden, and this in itself can lead to worsening feelings of shame. It is really important to find at least some people that you can be honest with privately, or you may find the burden becomes crippling.

Although I have written about recently getting married on here, I have never publicly stated that the reason I got married in later life is that I myself have been divorced.   However, I will not talk about my own divorce story as it is not appropriate to do so. Nothing I write in this article should be seen as commentary on my own case, as that will remain private.

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/adrianwarnock/2024/04/how-to-reduce-divorce-stigma-in-church/