Thank you to all the beautiful humans who have shared stories of their bodies, I hear you and know that the struggles are shared.
Reading Roxane Gay saddens, angers and comforts me. Here's a small excerpt from her memoir of her body called 'Hunger'

'What I know and what I feel are two very different things. Feeling comfortable in my body isn’t entirely about beauty standards. It’s about how I feel in my skin and bones. I am not comfortable in my body. Nearly everything physical is difficult. I have no stamina. When I walk for long periods of time, my thighs and calves ache. My feet ache. My lower back aches.
When it’s hot, I sweat profusely. My shirt gets damp. I feel like people are staring at me sweating and judging me for having an unruly body that dares to reveal the costs of its exertion.

There are things I want to do with my body but cannot. If I am with friends, I cannot keep up, so I am constantly thinking up excuses to explain why I am walking slower than they are, as if they don’t already know. Sometimes, they pretend not to know, and sometimes, it seems like they are genuinely that oblivious to how different bodies move, as they suggest we do impossible things like go to an amusement park or walk a mile up a hill to a stadium.

I avoid walking with other people as often as possible because walking and talking at the same time is a challenge. In public toilets, I manoeuvre into cubicles. I try to hover over the toilet because I don’t want it to break beneath me. No matter how small a toilet cubicle is, I avoid the disabled toilet because people like to give me dirty looks when I use that stall merely because I am fat and need more space.

My body is a cage of my own making. I have been trying to figure a way out of it for more than 20 years.'