Sarah,
I have always been a worrier. I can look back on my childhood now at the age of 24, and recognize the signs of anxiety developing.
My stressful ways developed into anxiety around 4 years ago. I wasn’t lucky enough to have kept any close friends from my schooling days and went into a reckless phase after high school, developing friendships with people who I was better off away from.
When I decided it was time to leave this phase, and all the people involved in it behind, I was left virtually friendless.
I put all my physical energy into working full time (which meant having 2 jobs), whilst completing my full time university degree. This meant working seven days a week and completing university assignments after finishing 12 hour shifts.
During this period of my life my self-confidence was at an all-time low, and I felt disgusted every time I looked in the mirror.
I constantly had a voice in my head saying “Why would anyone want to be friends with you? You are ugly and pathetic.”
Things turned around when my partner finished his apprenticeship, and was lucky enough to get a well-paying job. This meant for the first time in our relationship I no longer held the financial burden
Would I say I am happy every day? No. But do I still have that feeling that I am dying on the inside? Not in the slightest.
I did small things, which made such a huge change to my life. Such as joining a netball team, regularly going to the gym, and pushing myself to interact socially whenever I was given the opportunity. I still struggle in social situations, but nowhere as extreme as before. Most importantly, I have a partner who has stayed by my side, through all the anxiety attacks and sleepless crying nights, whilst loving me unconditionally.
I understand my story may be nothing compared to what some people face, but if even one person relates it was worth sharing.
So if you are out there, I promise things will get better. Just keep pushing on, one day at a time.